Dealing with Negative People

Reposted from Threads Podcast: Life Unfiltered’s blog (which I write):

Photo by Natã Figueiredo on Unsplash

Negative people. Ugh… Right?

I listened to a great episode of Threads Podcast: Life Unfiltered about dealing with negative people. That made me think more deeply about the topic for personal reasons as well, so here’s my thoughts after doing some reading.

An interesting article from the Harvard Business Review points out why the old saying Kill em with kindness is outdated and wrong. The article says, “Countering someone’s negativity with your positivity doesn’t work because it’s argumentative.” On the most basic level, this means that “people don’t like to be emotionally contradicted.”

If someone has a negative attitude, trying to kill them with kindness does two things: pisses you both off in the long run, and makes you both dig stubbornly deeper into your own way of thinking.

Don’t do that, OK? Just don’t. Hey, seriously. Stop.

It’s already bad enough out there in the world. Well, it’s not, but it is…

Negative People
Photo by Andre Hunter on Unsplash

So there’s these folks called scientists who devote their lives to science. Crazy, right? Anyway, some of these folks study negative people. What they found was that we have something called a Negativity Bias, which is “our tendency not only to register negative stimuli more readily but also to dwell on these events. Also known as positive-negative asymmetry, this negativity bias means that we feel the sting of a rebuke more powerfully than we feel the joy of praise.”

(Which is in part why I use titles like 3 Ways (Some) Christians Hijack And Exploit The Bible and God Caused the Flood in Michigan? (Look at you, the hair on your neck is already up…)

So, that begs the question–with all the negativity and negative people floating around, and our insistence to dwell on it…

How Should We Handle Negative People?

#1: Self Care for Your Mental Health

First, you gotta make sure you’re taking care of yourself. I actually do do a lot of research for these posts, including my own therapy “journey”–my boss, Jason from Threads Podcast: Life Unfiltered, absolutely hates it when people use that word, so let’s see if he read’s his own show’s blog, LOL!

From my research on this and past blogs, I continue to push people towards mindfulness. (See my first blog for these guys, Mindfulness: Powerful Self-Care for Your Mental Health.) You can’t be around negative people if you are in a sorry state of your own. Always practice self care! Stop feeling like, I Wish I Wasn’t the Only Person with Mental Health Issues. Try these 4 hacks to improve your mental health, and/or write your way to improved mental health. And sleep is super important too, guys.

#2: Don’t Give Advice; Ask Questions

Entrepreneur suggests using a technique called Appreciative Inquiry, “which is the process of asking questions to help the person gain a more positive outlook.” They elaborate on this:

If the person is brooding about a past event, ask questions that focus on the positive aspects of their experiences or about the future. Such questions might include: “What are some good things that came out of that experience?” or “What would you like to see happen next time?” Reframing the negative language helps them focus on how to achieve a brighter future in a positive way.

Deep Patel, Entrepreneur, April 2018

Check out DavidCooperrider.com for more info about Appreciative Inquiry

#3: Stay Positive

Smile, like the guys from Threads Podcast: Life Unfiltered

This doesn’t contradict the whole Kill-Em-with-KindnessIs-Dumb thing. Just being an overbearing load of forced positivity doesn’t do anything. Treat yourself first, use tactful questions to change the POV of people around you a little bit, but, while doing it, be your honest-but-positive self. Smile and have a let’s-roll-with-it frame of mind. That and deconstructing the other person’s negativity will go a long way towards everyone’s mental health.

Thanks for stopping by. I hope this helps (at least a little).

Last Thing before You Go…

Threads Podcast: Life Unfiltered has a couple new things happening online!

First, there’s a new section on the website! At the top menu, right next to the tab for our favorite BLOG you’ll now see a NEWSLETTER heading. If you want to stay aware of everything going on, sign up for the newsletter.

Second, you can show your appreciation and support by buying the guys a coffee! Yeah, a normal-ass cup of coffee in return for the entertaining, emotional, real content the guys consistently give every week.

-CT

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Christopher Tallon writes, podcasts, and…wait a second. Are you actually reading this? High fiveFollow me here:

Website | Instagram | Twitter | FaceBook | Creative Ops (A Podcast for Creativity Enthusiasts)

Creative Ops | Ep.21 | Randi Ford – Art, Entrepreneurship, & Flow

An original Randi Ford painting

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-uqdnw-fe4221

Randi Ford is a phenomenal talent in the world of painting. Her nature landscapes are beautiful and have a sense of depth and movement unlike anything else I’ve seen. We talk about her style, influences, creative process, business, hiking, camping, life, and all kinds of fun stuff.

. . .

Randi Ford:

website: www.randifordart.com

IG: @randi_ford_flow_paintings

FB: @RandiFordFlowPaintings

Thanks to all the readers and listeners out there!

-CT

Christopher Tallon

Christopher Tallon writes, podcasts, and…wait a second. Are you actually reading this? High fiveFollow me here:

Instagram | Twitter | Podcast | Website | Facebook

A Few Quick Updates

Hello!

My podcast (Creative Ops) has been going well. I’m working on uploading all the episodes to the new YouTube channel. Might even start putting some short videos on over the next several weeks. Who knows? Almost done with a big podcasting push that I won’t do again for a minute. I’ve been doing a podcast every week this month, rather than the usual two. And I was a guest on a podcast. Invited to return as a guest on another. Before I can do that, I have a few blogs to do professionally (obviously not this one, LOL), and I’m still writing my next novel, which I’m excited about–it’s about a girl who has some weird, supernatural powers, but only when she’s asleep….

Twitter pitch for my novel Switchers

Still haven’t gotten any forward traction on getting Switchers published, but, because of the podcast, I haven’t been pushing hard on the gas as far as acquiring literary representation is concerned. But now that I’m almost done with my podcast push for March, I’m really excited to do a writing weekend.

A writing weekend is exactly what it sounds like. But I have kids, you see. Little ones. Well, not so little, but small enough that they need and/or want Dad enough that it’s hard to get creative work done. I do my blogs and podcast stuff during the day, then clean up a little around the house, maybe go for a run or walk. Then there’s people around. So the writing weekend, for me, means getting away.

I usually do it at a friend’s house. My wife looked into cheap rentals when I was close to getting Switchers done, so I could spend hours working on it for the final push. Which I didn’t do, but I love my wife for being the most supportive writer’s-spouse in literary history. Note to young writers, find someone who thinks you’re talented (well, work to get talented too…) and believes in aaaaaand gives you a little push once in awhile.

Wouldn’t be half as badass without her. Mwah!

If you’re reading this wondering, I wonder if he’d let me read his book…, the answer is yes. I will. Contact me if you’d like to see what I keep going on about.

And thanks to Jeff M. hitting the show up on www.buymeacoffee.com. It’s much appreciated!

So yeah, I’ll be heading out for a day or two soon(ish) to try to get into the middle of my next story! On a fresh new notebook, and I’m excited to see how big a dent I can make without any distractions.

Woo!

-CT

Christopher Tallon

Christopher Tallon writes, podcasts, and…wait a second. Are you actually reading this? High fiveFollow me here:

Instagram | Twitter | Podcast | Website | Facebook

I was on a podcast the other day

Yeah, that’s pretty much all I have to say.

Oh. Right, it was Threads Podcast: Life Unfiltered. I talked about the extended fasting I’ve been getting into, mental health, and all that good stuff. The guys who host (Ben and Jason) are friends of mine, and are both really nice people. One more so than the other, sure, but both are pretty cool nonetheless.

Ep. 119 || Our own blogger Chris joins us to talk about his fasting experience and mental health journey Threads Podcast: Life Unfiltered

Whether you listen to my episode or not, if you want to hear two grown men (and sometimes a guest) speak honestly about things we usually shy away from in polite society–not because it’s inappropriate, but because it’s uncomfortable–then you might try Threads Podcast: Life Unfiltered. Just a couple of real dudes talking about real stuff.

While I’m at it, don’t forget to check out my podcast, Creative Ops (A Podcast for Creative People, by Creative People). I recently interviewed a legendary surf photographer, some folks who creative experiences that will make you question reality, and most recently the drummer for longtime Lansing, Michigan rock band, HEARTSICK.

Creative Ops | Ep.20 | Jake Bryan – HEARTSICK Drummer & Music Lover Creative Ops

As a drummer, I was excited to nerd out with my new buddy, Jake Bryan. Jake is the drummer for HEARTSICK, the Lansing-based band that's been playing loud music for 20 years. I started following this band even before Jake joined. As you'll find out, he joined the band around the same time I left the Lansing area for good. Jake came from a musical family, where his passion for drumming was highly encouraged from a young age. In his teens, he found his passion as a traveling performer with the school band when they performed in Florida and New York City. Before joining Heartsick, he played drums in a Final Fantasy themed metal band–something I wasn't aware was a thing. Follow all the fun stuff:  Jake's IG @bryantalmadge Heartsick  Official Website Instagram Facebook YouTube Spotify Apple Creative Ops Podcast Website (shows, descriptions, links) Apple Spotify (Host) Christopher Tallon's Website  Buy Us a Coffee! Friends of Creative Ops IRIE Kitchen River Town Adventures Baby Farm Soaps Hey Guys Media

if at any time you feel the holy podcasting spirit moving you, you can:

And make sure you say hello whichever place is your favorite. It’s nice to here from my fellow creatives!

If you wish, feel free to peruse the last few episodes:

Creative Ops | Ep.19 | Peter Taras – Surf Photographer, Storyteller, Wine Reviewer, & Fun Dude Creative Ops

Peter Taras is an icon in the world of surf photography, starting in the profession at a young age. With his magazine days behind him, Peter continues to tell stories with his amazing pictures on Stellar Storytellers, and has fun with his wine reviews on his Instagram. He has collaborated with Jonathan Freeman on the Ultra Core Surf Hour. Hilarious. He's also part of the Kook of the Day series. Also hilarious. Go check him out! Thanks everyone! http://www.steller.co/petertaras http://www.instagram.com/petertaras/ http://www.instagram.com/jonathanwaynefreeman/ http://www.christophertallon.com http://www.instagram.com/christopher_tallon/ http://www.twitter.com/TallonWrites http://www.buymeacoffee.com/creativeops

Creative Ops | Ep.18 | Mike "Auggie" Augustine – Escape Rooms, Games, & Experiential Design Creative Ops

Auggie is a brilliant mind and great guy. In 2016, Auggie placed 5th world-wide in the Dyson Rethinkers Challenge. Then in 2018, Auggie won the Red Bull Mind Gamers Quantum Challenge. In 2019, his team placed 10th in the Red Bull Mind Gamers Escape Room World Championship. He's designed multiple rooms, including one in a hotel at the world championship for the competitors to play, that the hotel didn't even know about, haha! He also had a hand in the SYGNYL podcast that I talked about on Ep.17!  Check him out on social media @okapikid, and get in touch with him. He also has a website with a game built into it…www.okapikid.com. . . . If you like the show, BUY ME A COFFEE! Thanks to Jeff M. for the cup this morning!!!!! . . . CHECK OUT OUR SPONSORS: Irie Kitchen: http://www.irie.kitchen River Town Adventures: http://www.rivertownadventures.com Baby Farm Soaps: only at @BabyFarmSoaps on Facebook Hey Guys Media Group: http://www.heyguysmediagroup.com If you want more, go to: http://www.creativeops.podbean.com http://www.christophertallon.com I'm @christopher_tallon on IG @TallonWrites everywhere else I'm on Litsy and Goodreads, too

Creative Ops | Ep.17 | Jeff Hull of Nonchalance – Participatory Arts & Situational Design Creative Ops

Jeff Hull joined me, via the magic of the internet, to discuss literature, culture, Nonchalance, and his latest project–a revolutionary podcast–SYGNYL. Listen as we discuss past and present projects, how how created and implemented them, and how the lines between art and reality can blur to create something unintended, both in our art and, as we've seen recently, in our culture. That blurring, as Jeff puts it, "can lead us to chaos or meaning." Join us and try to find the meaning in the chaos. If we can't find it, we'll make our own. -CT . . . LINKS: GUEST Nonchalance: website | IG | Twitter | Tumblr SYGNYL: website | IG | Twitter | FB | YouTube SHOW Christopher Tallon: website | IG | FB | Twitter | Goodreads | Litsy | Buy Me a Coffee Sponsors: Hey Guys Media Group | River Town Adventures | Baby Farm Soaps

Creative Ops | Ep.16 | Nate Williams – Entrepreneur, Kayak Guide, Travel Gigger, and CaRV (car-VEE) Enthusiast Creative Ops

Nate Williams is the co-founder of River Town Adventures, a proud sponsor of the show. After leaving RTA, he found a travel gig in Seward, Alaska, where he was a professional kayak guide, showing tourists glaciers, bears, and whales via kayak. Then he went to Europe on a work/stay program and explored a few countries for next to nothing!  While he waits for tourism to return, he spoke with us from his home in Lansing, MI, about what he's done, where he's been, and (hopefully) where he's going. It was a long chat with a good friend. I hope you enjoy it. See pictures from Nate's trips in his Instagram. … Thanks for checking out the show! I appreciate it. Check out my website http://www.christophertallon.com to see my blog, learn about the book I wrote, and find my social links. Shout out to Hey Guys Media Group for the technical and spiritual support, and to River Town Adventures and Baby Farm Soaps for existing (and for sponsoring the show)! Stay tuned for more creative people! -CT

Creative Ops | Ep.15 | Drunken Podcasting w/ Justin D'Autremont – Host of Drunk Conspiracies Podcast Creative Ops

Creative People! Justin D'Autremont (host of Drunk Conspiracies Podcast) joined me from across the great state of Michigan after I recently did an episode of his show. We talk about all things podcasting, what got him into it, how he does it, and what his plans are moving forward. We also talk about the pros/cons of life in the north vs life in the south, and other random stuff. (Alcohol may or may not have been in play on this episode…) Justin's a talented young man (I can say that, he's younger than me), and I'm excited to watch his podcasts grow. Please download DRUNK CONSPIRACIES PODCAST wherever you get podcasts! Follow his show on Facebook and Instagram. . . . Thanks to Hey Guys Media Group (my technical overseers), as well as River Town Adventures and Baby Farm Soaps. Looking forward to doing some fun promotional stuff (ie. giveaways, contests, river events!) in 2021. Stay tuned for that, and follow what's going on with me (Christopher Tallon) and the show at http://www.christophertallon.com, and on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and Litsy (a cool spot for avid readers).   -CT

Thanks for checking in.

Holla!

-CT

Christopher Tallon

Christopher Tallon writes, podcasts, and…wait a second. Are you actually reading this? High fiveFollow me here:

Instagram | Twitter | Podcast | Website | Facebook

Creative Ops | Ep.20 | Jake Bryan – HEARTSICK Drummer & Music Lover

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-2uucy-fdafd3

As a drummer, I was excited to nerd out with my new buddy, Jake Bryan. Jake is the drummer for HEARTSICK, the Lansing-based band that’s been playing loud music for 20 years.

I started following this band even before Jake joined. As you’ll find out, he joined the band around the same time I left the Lansing area for good. Jake came from a musical family, where his passion for drumming was highly encouraged from a young age. In his teens, he found his passion as a traveling performer with the school band when they performed in Florida and New York City. Before joining Heartsick, he played drums in a Final Fantasy themed metal band–something I wasn’t aware was a thing.

Follow all the fun stuff: